Lucie’s story (Surrey)

There are no words to describe losing a sibling at such a young age; and this loss is even more tragic because I know with the right support my big sister’s passing could have been avoided. If she’d received the perinatal mental care she needed after her son’s birth, she would still be here today.

But in the UK, the sad reality is that many new mums are suffering with perinatal mental health issues on their own. Statistically, depression and anxiety affects 15 to 20% of women in the first year after childbirth, but many cases of perinatal depression and anxiety still go undetected.

Mental health is still taboo

As a young mum, I’ve witnessed this prevalence first hand. A few weeks ago, I looked around the small toddler group I attend and realised there were at least three mums who had spoken to me about their perinatal mental health issues, and they were just the ones who had confided in me.

Unfortunately, in our culture, mental health remains a taboo that we feel the need to hide and often have secret internal battles with. But if the mums I meet every week didn’t have to put on a brave face and knew they weren’t the only person in the room struggling, they’d all have an immediate support network.

We must push for change

As well as getting more people to talk about mental health before and after birth, it’s vital all women in the UK who experience perinatal mental illness receive the care they and their families need. I know if it was me who had died, Emma would have tirelessly pushed for this change.

That’s why I wanted to share my story and wholeheartedly support the Everyone’s Business campaign. For me, Emma’s death should not be in vain. We owe it to her and her son to prevent the mental ill health of other pregnant and postnatal women going unrecognised, undiagnosed and untreated.

Watch: Lucie shares her story with Comic Relief for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week 2021

“She was my closest friend.”

Lucie lost her sister Emma in 2011.
Since then Lucie has been an advocate for the Maternal Mental Health Alliance.

Comic Relief has supported the Everyone’s Business campaign by the @MMHAlliance since 2013. #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek pic.twitter.com/AWr28htNNX

— Comic Relief (@comicrelief) May 16, 2021

If the content of this story causes you to think of anything that has happened to you or someone you know and you feel upset, worried or uncomfortable, please see our support page for a list of services who may be able to help.

Dani’s story (Belfast)

I felt great at the start of my first pregnancy. But at six to seven months I developed a liver problem and my blood pressure started to go up. I was put on tablets and believed, maybe naively, that everything was okay.

Then, during the birth of my daughter, I had an eclamptic seizure. I can remember the midwife pressing the red button, lots of shouting, the blue spinal board, and then waking up coughing, because of the tube in my throat.

“What I don’t remember are my first moments with my baby.”

Crippling anxiety

One month after I gave birth, I started to have flashbacks and recurring dreams about the seizure. I told my community midwife which led to me being monitored through watchful waiting. I then lost sensation down my right side and felt breathless, which led to me being admitted to hospital one week before Christmas. I was now separated from my 10-week-old daughter, which meant her breastfeeding was abruptly stopped.

“It was the worst Christmas ever.”

In A&E and on the ward I felt terrified and very anxious, but I assumed everything would settle down once I got home. It didn’t. I had crippling anxiety; my chest felt tight; I felt shaky and vomited; I didn’t want to be left on my own; and I continued to have flashbacks. I just didn’t feel like me and all my confidence was gone. Eventually, during the Christmas holidays, I contacted my midwife for help. Thankfully, I was referred quickly to a specialist perinatal mental health community team clinical psychologist who diagnosed me with PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder].

Taking back control

With the perinatal psychologist I started CBT [cognitive behavioural therapy], which involved doing mindfulness and breathing exercises, and using visualisation techniques. This helped me to rationalise my anxiety and break the cycle of negativity. It was the biggest part of my recovery, giving me back a sense of control.

Over time, my physical symptoms started to ease and the good days gradually increased. I then had a couple of appointments with my psychologist during my second pregnancy, which me helped a lot. But unfortunately, I did have another traumatic experience during the birth of my third child.

Once again, I turned to my perinatal psychologist for help. This time it was a lot easier to manage my symptoms because of what I’d learnt previously, and because I knew support was available.

“Sadly, though, I know my experience is the exception, not the norm.”

In 80% of Northern Ireland, women and their families cannot access specialist perinatal mental health services and we also don’t have a Mother and Baby Unit. I believe this must change, because I don’t know how I would have coped without the support I received.

 

If the content of this story causes you to think of anything that has happened to you or someone you know and you feel upset, worried or uncomfortable, please see our support page for a list of services who may be able to help.