Intrusive thoughts and other scary feelings

Learn about intrusive thoughts, maternal rage, resentment, and other challenging emotions during pregnancy and early parenthood. Discover practical guidance on managing them and understand when it's time to seek help.

Jump to: What are intrusive thoughts? | Other scary feelings | Why do they happen? | Help

Summary

Experiencing intrusive thoughts, maternal rage, resentment, or other overwhelming emotions can be deeply distressing, especially during pregnancy or parenthood. These feelings do not reflect your worth as a parent or a person, and you are not alone in facing them.

By learning about why these feelings occur, how common they are, and exploring tools and strategies to manage them, it is possible to find relief and regain a sense of balance.

However, if intrusive thoughts are starting to affect your ability to cope with day-to-day life, aren't going away, or causing you distress, it could be a sign of perinatal mental illness and time to seek support.

What are intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted and distressing ideas or images in your mind that might involve harm coming to you, your baby, or loved ones. These can even include thoughts about causing deliberate violent or sexual harm to your baby, which can be really frightening.

It’s important to understand that having these thoughts doesn’t mean they will happen, nor does it mean you’ll act on them.

These thoughts are more common than many people realise, affecting almost every new parent at some point. However, if they’re impacting your daily life or not going away, it could be a sign of perinatal OCD and suggest you may need some extra support for your mental health.

Other scary thoughts and emotions

You might experience other overwhelming emotions during or after pregnancy that can feel unsettling:

• Sudden, intense anger (sometimes referred to as 'maternal rage')
• Doubt or resentment about becoming a parent

These feelings are a normal response to the challenges of parenting, but if they are severe or beginning to concern you, it’s important to reach out for help.

Why do these thoughts and feelings happen?

A combination of factors can contribute to feeling this way:

• Hormonal changes - Shifts in your body’s hormones can influence your mood and thoughts.
• Lack of sleep - Lack of sleep can intensify feelings of stress or irritability.
• Sudden change - The demands of caring for a new baby and adjusting to a new way of life can feel overwhelming at times.

Experiencing these thoughts and feelings does not make you a bad parent. Instead, it’s a sign that you might need extra support.

Where to turn for help

If you’re worried about what you’re thinking or feeling, speak to your GP, midwife, or health visitor. These professionals are trained to help and have likely heard similar experiences before.

They can offer understanding, guidance, and access to support services to help you navigate these challenges.