Support for bereaved partners, family, and friends

Grieving a partner, daughter, sister or friend lost to perinatal mental illness can feel overwhelming. Find emotional support, resources, and guidance to navigate complex feelings after a new or expectant mum dies by suicide.

Jump to: Common reactions | Support | Family dynamics after loss | Remembering and honouring | Moving forward | Final reminder

Summary

Losing a loved one to suicide as a result of perinatal mental illness is devastating. Whether they were your partner, sibling, daughter, or a close friend, their death may feel impossible to process. As well as feeling deeply sad, you might have unanswered questions, concerns about their care, and a lot of ‘what ifs’.

It might seem like no one understands what you are going through, but we promise you are not alone in this. Tragically, there are many others who have been here before and experienced the same complicated jumble of grief and other emotions that you are currently navigating. Some have shared their stories with the Maternal Mental Health Alliance in the hope that you feel less alone.

Common reactions to losing someone you love to suicide

Grief after suicide is often complex. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and however you’re feeling right now is valid. It might include:

• Deep sadness – You might find yourself crying a lot or feeling an overwhelming sense of loss

• Feeling numb or in shock – Many people describe this as being in a daze, especially in the early days after a loved one dies by suicide

• Exhaustion – Grief can be physically and emotionally draining, leaving you feeling extremely tired

• Physical symptoms - A few examples include headaches, change in appetite, digestive problems, and trouble sleeping (insomnia)

• Anger – It’s common to feel angry; at the situation, at yourself, or even at the person who has died

• Guilt – You may have thoughts like “I should have done more” or feel guilty about things you said, didn’t say, or even for feeling angry

• Shame – Suicide can carry stigma, and you might worry about others judging you or your loved one. Cultural or religious beliefs can sometimes make it even harder to talk about your loss, leaving you feeling isolated

On really difficult days, try to remind yourself that perinatal mental illnesses are serious medical conditions. Suicide is neither the fault of those left behind, nor the person who has died. If you are consumed by thoughts of "what if?" or "could I have done more?", please be kind to yourself and speak to someone about it (see below for options).

Support for families bereaved by suicide

You don’t have to go through this alone.

Support is available from people who understand what it’s like to lose a loved one to suicide. Whether you need a listening ear, guidance, or space to remember your loved one, there are organisations and professionals that can help:

• Action on Postpartum Psychosis have resourses for families who have lost a loved one to postpartum psychosis.

• CALM's (Campaign Against Living Miserably) grief guide can help you understand, navigate, and talk about grief.

• Cruse Bereavement Support offers guidance and counselling for anyone experiencing grief.

• Samaritans runs free online peer support groups for people bereaved by suicide.

• Suicide & Co provides emotional and practical support, including counselling services, to those bereaved by suicide. Helpline: 0800 054 8400 (Monday to Friday, 9am–5pm).

• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offers peer support to adults affected by suicide loss. Helpline: 0300 111 5065 (9am–7pm, every day).

You can also talk to your GP for advice and referrals to local services or support groups, or you may wish to contact a private grief counsellor.

Navigating family dynamics after loss

The death of a mother can deeply affect family stability, leaving loved ones to navigate new caregiving roles, responsibilities, and uncertainties, including access to grandchildren, nieces, or nephews.

Remembering and honouring your loved one

In time, many bereaved partners, family members, and friends find comfort in honouring their loved one’s memory. This could be through talking about them, writing a journal, or creating something in their name.

There is no "right" way, only what is meaningful to you and helps you stay connected to the person you lost.

It’s not about moving on, but moving forward

It may not feel like it right now, but your grief won’t always feel so raw. The pain of loss never fully disappears, but with time and support, it can get a little easier to carry.

That said, the grieving process isn’t a straight line and there may be some days, even years down the line, when you feel sudden and intense waves of grief. There can be reminders about the loss or the person who has died that you cant prepare for.

Lean on friends, family, or the support services listed above whenever you need to.